I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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