this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
