Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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