Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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