I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
