I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
smell my finger.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize