I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
