So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
