well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
