I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
