i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
