Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
