i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
