Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
