So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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