It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
