it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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