I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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