I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Let's get the cat blown out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My feet surprised me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
