I heard we made out
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
