So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
