I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
