dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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