peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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