If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
