I wish you could order shots online.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize