I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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