her vagine was all disorganized.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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