Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
