that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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