Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
