i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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