Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My ass is underappreciated
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
