so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize