Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
