i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
