Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
