He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
