last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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