that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
