i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize