hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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