All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
did i just pee glitter
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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