My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
