somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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