My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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