You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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