...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
COCAINE IS GR8
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize