i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
