I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
