why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
