i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize