Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
