Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry uhohh hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(313): View more from Michigan

so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.

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(248): View more from Michigan

When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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(310): View more from California

he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party

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(206): View more from Washington

She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!

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