I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
