I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize