I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
