I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize