Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
