the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
