I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
