Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
