Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
