You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
