real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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