the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
