Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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