my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
