I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
