I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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