with your own penis?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize