And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
