If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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