I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
