I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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