I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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