I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
