I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
