I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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