Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
