After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
