you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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