i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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