I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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