I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
