Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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