I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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