is your mom at the bar?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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