last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
