She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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