1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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