Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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