If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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