Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
