If that was your dad, he is hot
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
