I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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