ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
