Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your penis caused this!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
