1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
