Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
