my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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