Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How does it feel to date your dad?
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