Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
