Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
