When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize