Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
In America we eat man semen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
