We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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